About Moxie Girl Musings

Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

A Widow's World: Recreating Yourself #women #inspiration #asmsg

During the grief process, people often use words and phrases like..."let go"..."move on"...or "start over." While it's hard enough as a widow to adjust to the empty side of the bed, solo parenting, and the loss of your best friend, the idea of our identity as wife no longer being valid often gets brushed aside.

Over time, people who used to be your friends no longer know what to do with you. You aren't part of the couple they had always known so couples' parties become a thing of the past. Your emotions are up and down all over hell and back so it's difficult to know what to say or when to say it. You've lost the love of your life and that has forever splintered you into who you once were and who you are becoming.

What's worse? When you try to become someone different--to let go, move on and start over--the people who used to know you may balk because you're so different and may try to actually keep you in that picture they hold of you.

All of the above is normal. It's part of the process and it's okay for you to break free of that old identity. Just like it's necessary to throw out clothes that no longer fit, it's also necessary to reject a definition of self that no longer works for you.

Recreate yourself by trusting new ideas you may have about trying a class or buying clothes your husband would have hated. Finding the 'new you' is an experiment so explore options. Did you always want to go to Paris? Go, even if you go solo. Did you once have a career that stimulated you? It's not too late to get back into it. Have you always wanted to move to the beach? Small houses are a lot cheaper than big ones! Don't hold back--and don't let anyone else hold you back. Give it all you've got because you're worth the effort!

The truth of the matter is that life is about constantly evolving. Even if this tragedy hadn't happened in your life, you may have found yourself at a crossroads where the old patterns or routines no longer felt right.

Letting go of that 'old you' may feel like another loss. Friends you knew as a couple become distant. People who you met while in the throes of grief may think of you as "that crazy widow." Family may want to keep viewing you as the person they've always known so your changes may scare them. Be okay with all of that because, like a Phoenix who rises from the ashes, it's time for you to be happy and embrace every moment of your life.

Wishing you all green lights ahead, 

Next week on 'A Widow's World': The Dating Game 

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