About Moxie Girl Musings

Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com

Saturday, February 15, 2014

A change is com'n and the earth is rock'n #life #changes #inspiration

As we head into the final stretch of my daughter's senior year, I'm feeling the ground shaking beneath my feet. Everything is changing.

I've never been one to cling to my kids, despite how it may look because we're a team of three. We hang out. We have a good time. We laugh a lot.

We've been through a lot.

But I have always encouraged my children to live their own lives, to know themselves, to make their choices based on their own dreams rather than any concern for leaving me behind. There are people--even close family members--who don't understand our dynamic. They see our closeness and predict I will go into some kind of tailspin when the kids leave for their own lives.

That's not true. I may be sad when I see my daughter walk across the stage to receive her diploma, but not because I am going to be "alone." No, even now when I get teary-eyed looking through old photos for senior collages it's not because I'm afraid or want to keep her here. It's because I look at old photos and remember how quickly life evolves. Nothing is permanent in this world. It all moves so quickly that at times I'm breathless from it all. When I get sad, it's because I wish her dad were here to see what a gorgeous young woman she's become and hope that somehow--in some way--he is.
Yes, I feel the tremors of change rattling the foundation. I welcome it! I know my daughter and soon my son will surpass any dream I ever could have had for them. They will soar higher and be better human beings than I ever could. I have no doubt.

There are other changes happening around me. The psycho troll I dated two years ago moved to Florida to hook up with a woman (she must have money). The crying widower I dated before him now has a baby with some young chic. A woman who was widowed a month before me is now engaged. Me? Well, I've published five books and am thinking of putting hard wood floors in the house. Oh, and I'm going to Key West with a good friend to raise some hell later this year. Changes? You bet. We all evolve in our own way.

I look ahead and see exciting things in my future. All good. My daughter is going to college only 45 minutes from home. Someone said to me, "you should let her go further." LET? As far as I'm concerned, those who say the sky is the limit are only limiting themselves because there are footprints on the moon. I would be the last person to try to keep her pinned down. She can go wherever she chooses…she chose her university. Let?! Oh, people, when will you learn to shut the fuck up when it comes to my life? Hopefully, that will change in my near future.

One day I will have the house to myself. The dogs, cats, and I will rule! Will it be lonely? I don't think so. I love my work. I have close friends--maybe fewer than before, but the ones who remain are golden. I will travel. I will do whatever the hell I want to do when I want to do it. Why is this a bad thing?
No matter how far my kids travel in their lives, no matter how far their dreams take them, we will remain a tight unit with a shared history and a love so deep miles won't be able to break it. Change is coming. I hear it. I feel it. I will cry…but I also cry when I'm happy, sad, angry, and frustrated. I'm a crier. It's what I do.

Looking at baby pictures make me think of all the dreams I had for that baby girl, all I wanted to give her, all that I have and all that I haven't. Could I have been better? Yes. Did I do my best? Yes. Is time up? For this chapter, yes. For the next? It's all just beginning.

It will be new for us all. We will adjust, but we will also grow. Sometimes that rumble and quaking of change breaks free a new version of ourselves that is so much better than the old. Like a sculptor chipping away at a stone to unlock the image inside, change does that for us so that we may become better versions of ourselves.

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