About Moxie Girl Musings

Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I'm not the jerk whisperer

I have the above sign hanging next to my desk.  Why?  Because I occasionally try to reason with morons and it's a habit I'm trying to break.  As with all habits, this one requires constant monitoring on my part.

Here's a confession:  I try to be nice to everyone.  I've always been told that you should treat other people the way you want to be treated.  So I go out and put up with all sorts of boundary violating, snotty types who tromp all over my good intentions with their negative energy.  It's got to stop.  Seriously.

I'm on a jerk-elimaniting diet---a cleanse of sorts.

I have frienemies, that's for sure.  As I succeed, they're the ones who comment that I'll become a narcissist if I promote myself.  (Although I believe the point of any career is to make money and support your family, right? Am I wrong on that?)  They're the ones who mock my positive attitude and yoga/Pilates mentality despite the fact that it's good for me to feel healthy both mentally and physically.  They're the ones who always have a snide comment for every positive thing that happens in my life.  They're the ones who smile as they try to make my accomplishments "less than."

Why don't I cut them out of my life you ask?  Because I'm the Queen of Second Chances and the Princess of Benefit of the Doubt.  Because I like to see the good in people and am loyal to a fault.  All of these frienemies are people who've been in my life for years, who've seen me struggle, who've witnessed my tears and who I always thought would celebrate my success with me, too.  Why did I think that?  Because it's what I would do and, like I said before, I've always lived according to the "treat people how you want to be treated" motto.

But I'm getting better.  The cleanse is working.  I'm starting to think I'll be completely alone when it's all said done, but that's a risk I'm willing to take for peace of mind.  Or maybe I'll be ridding myself of the people who bring me down so I can make room for positive people who will bring joy to my life.  That's what I'm hoping--the latter.  I saw a quote recently, although I won't remember it exactly, that said "only surround yourself with people who recognize the greatness within you and lift you higher"...or something to that effect.

Now my frienemies will read this--although they'll deny it by making it a point to say something about how irrelevant blogs are and that they don't have time to read anything I write--and will think I'm being defensive.  (I love how bullies like to throw out the word defensive as soon as their target stands up to them.)  So let me set the record straight:  I'm merely addressing how I feel and stating what I will no longer tolerate.  That's that.  Simple.

I'm not going to be liked by everyone.  In fact, after the last seven years, I've discovered a lot about the fragility of friendships and the superficial nature of some human beings.  There are people who simply enjoy being immersed in drama and don't want me to break free from that.  There are others who haven't succeeded at their dreams--or don't even know what their dreams are anymore--and resent the hell out me for achieving mine.  I don't care.  My only purpose in this lifetime is be true to myself.

There is fall out from this jerk-free diet.  I don't trust many people anymore.  Maybe that's good for the long run--I'll be more choosy about who gets close, more picky about who achieves "inner circle" status.  But I don't want to change my innate nature of "treating people the way I want to be treated." I want to keep that part of me because I enjoy being nice, giving the benefit of the doubt and second chances.  So...I'm implementing the "three strike rule" as a compromise.  Three strikes...you're OUT!


  1. Good for you! I'm trying to learn the same lesson. Just think of how nice the world will be when all of us nice people just pay attention to each other and not the jerks!

    1. Good luck, Kurt! It's a hard thing to do, I'm finding, but it's gotta be worth it to have a peaceful life filled with NICE human beings. Thanks for commenting!