About Moxie Girl Musings

Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Misunderstood

Being misunderstood is one of the biggest hurts in my life.  I'm sure it's the same with everyone.  We all know our intentions, but when someone comes back at you with an entirely 'wrong' interpretation our hearts ache.

I'm guilty of misunderstanding a situation--of tossing in my own interpretations to an event that are born of past experiences rather than present circumstances.  I react instead of think.  I get into warrior-mode before listening to reason.  I'm getting much better, however, at recognizing when I'm doing that and owning it by apologizing or talking it out for clarification.

But, man, it sucks being misunderstood myself...especially by someone I care for a great deal.  When someone I love or care deeply for perceives me as being anything other than loving, sincere, kind or generous, I take it as a personal failure.  It wounds my soul.

It happens more than I'd like.  The fact that it happens at all disturbs me.

As I sit here writing, I can think of several situations where misunderstanding has severed a relationship. What I don't understand is...why?  If two people are willing to talk, then why is it so complicated to clarify a situation and heal a relationship worth saving?  Or is the relationship not worth saving?

Right now I'm hurt.  I've been misunderstood in a big way by someone I truly care about.  No matter what I've done, no matter how much time passes...I'm told "well, I really don't know you" so then the worst is "assumed." That seems wrong on every level.  First of all--if you operate under the assumption that you really never know anyone so therefore it's okay to always go for worst-case-scenario, then it's highly possible that you're going to lose out on someone really special who could make you very happy.

How much time do you need to know someone's character?  To know if they are a basically good or bad person?  To know if they're heart is full of love or hate?  To know if they're honest or not?  Right or wrong, I trust my instinct from the beginning.  If my intuition says 'yes', then I don't question it until I have reason.  I don't have a timeline where at this and this time it's okay to do A or feel B.  That's a complete waste of time and energy.  Why not give the benefit of the doubt before jumping to dark conclusions?

It seems to me that people are quick to find fault or to assume the worst instead of opening themselves to the possibility that the story they've created in their minds is completely false.  More than that, admitting that they were wrong or apologizing for the mistake goes completely against their nature.  Why is that?  Is this just another excuse to be closed off?

I'm asking questions because I want to understand.

When we see someone through a filter of old hurts or bad experiences, then we're not truly seeing that person at all.  We're seeing a hazy, distorted, unreal version of that individual that has nothing to do with them.

I don't know how to heal every relationship.  Maybe there's a time to throw in the towel.  I know the easy way is to say screw it and move forward--that's been my M.O. for years.  But just because that's been the way for years doesn't mean that's right or the way it needs to be today.

Being misunderstood sucks.  It's like being mistaken for a criminal at the border when you're really trying to deliver food to orphans or something.  At least that's how it feels to me.  I feel like I'm standing naked in a street being stoned for someone else's crimes.

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