About Moxie Girl Musings

Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Screw the rules

Let me start out by saying that I’m an over 40 year-old woman--widow--who’s new to the dating scene.  My husband passed away over 6 years ago and I’ve only ventured back into the dating world this past year.  The last guy I dated--an over-50 year old man, never married--told me that I “don’t know the dating rules.” 

Um...what?  Rules?!  Gimme a break.  

Dating isn’t exactly my expertise, but I'm not some recluse who's been living in a cave my entire life.  I know how to interact with people and have learned the hard way about who to let close and who to keep at a distance.  And, let's not discount the fact that I was married for a decade so have an idea of how relationships work. This brings me to what he said about me "breaking the rules" as far as dating goes and how he was "cutting me some slack" because “I haven't been dating for about 20 years."

Well, it's only been 17 years, thank you very much, but like I said, there was an 11 year relationship in there, buddy.

I've never been fond of rules.  In fact, if you tell me what the rule is, I will most likely go out of my way to break it just to see what happens.  Will the world end?  No.  Will I die? Well...okay, if it's a rule about not skiing in an avalanche danger zone, I may respect that one.  I'm rebellious not crazy.

I am how I am.  I don't play games.  I come with a past I am NOT ashamed of.  I will talk about anything at any given time.  I have few inhibitions.  I am passionate.  I love life.  People know where they stand with me, whether they like that or not.  If I'm happy, you'll know it.  You'll also be very aware of when I'm not.  What you see is what you get with me at all times.

Dating rules?  Like what?  It's funny how people (men) say they want someone authentic...until that's what they get.  Then it's like "whoa, that's a lot to handle" or "ooo...getting too close".  Screw that.

Life is short. I know that first hand. I don't like wasting time or playing evasive games.  With me, the rules don't apply.  To me, rules are meant to keep people out.  What's the point of dating if you don't want to let someone in?

Rules?  Really?  Why?  Just go with it. At the end of the day, who cares about rules if you're happy?  Life is too short.  There may not be a second chance for a happy ending so don’t mess it up with rules, lists or whatever obstacle you create to protect yourself.  Now is all we have.  

If I’m breaking “rules”, then good for me.  I may not know a lot about dating...but I know a helluva lot about love.  I’m not going to waste one minute of my life worrying about “dating rules”.  I may be outrageous, passionate and hard to handle, but the future man in my life will love that about me. 


  1. At the end of the day, I guess the only rule should be respect. Someone may not always appreciate 'opinions'...of which, "Is it true, is it kind? Otherwise drop it." This is advice from a WWII relative long ago. Maybe old hat in the scheme of things today; then again...


    1. I agree, SLT. Respect is the foundation for all things, especially in a relationship.

      Although I haven't been on the dating scene per se since I was 27, I was married for 10 years. That needs to be counted rather than discounted in this scenario. One of the things I learned in the marriage is that respect is the cornerstone--respect and trust. Once those things deteriorate, then the relationship crumbles.

  2. What rules is this poor misguided soul referring to? I hope it's not the crap those two women wrote several years back. They had rules for when to call, when to have the first kiss and yadda yadda. You are so right. Life is too short to be playing by somebody else's rules. You do what makes you happy. Maybe is Sexy screenwriter boy talks more and assumes less he wouldn't be so worried about breaking some dumb ass rules. Just saying!

    1. Tammy, you hit it on the head with the assumption remark. With me, people rarely need to assume anything because I'm pretty good about letting people know where they stand.

      I think I freak sexy screenwriter boy out with my openness. He's a great guy, but he's mentioned these "dating rules" that I've broken and leaves me baffled. I tend to just go forth "as if" until "it's not" with most things in my life--which usually works out pretty well. I'm not going to play by the rules--mainly because I have no idea what the hell they are and truly don't care--so we'll see what happens. In the meantime, he's a great date who makes me laugh and makes me smile just thinking about him.

  3. Maybe you're nicer than I am. He's cutting you slack for being you? Sheesh. You're breaking rules? You're a consenting adult. What rules need to apply?
    I think you're sexy and smart and intelligent. What is he worried about? It's not like you ran after him with a rope, a ring, a certified minister and 2 witnesses, for pete's sake! I hope he lets his hair down soon... and maybe loosens the girdle of Victorian ideals. LOL.

    1. Britt--you crack me up. I wouldn't say I'm nice--we had some sniping back and forth about it and then I wrote about him on my blog for the world to see. LOL I totally agree with you. He needs to loosen up and just go with it. Life is too short for drama and "rules". What the hell? And, as you know from my post over on Cait's blog, for me it's been awhile and I want to have some FUN!

      Stay posted for more of my misadventures! :-) Who knows what's going to happen next?

  4. Had another guy tonight--a friend--tell me I need to be "mysterious" and refrain from opening up. Doesn't that sound like a game to you? Especially after knowing someone for nearly 2 months? Whatever. I guess I don't get where they (men) are coming from, but apparently they have "rules" and I'm playing way out of bounds! LOL I am how I am--maybe that's inelegant, but it's honest. Whatever happens with sexy screenwriter boy and I, it'll be fine...and true. :-)

  5. Hey, if it's been two months, Amber, then let it fly.

    But seriously, men love the challenge of the chase. Keep him off balance and guessing and he will eventually expose his heart out of frustration. (If he likes you)

    You come off as wounded or the opposite easy, you will either be abandoned or be used for sex and maybe hurt, unless the bedroom thing is mutual.

    You know Amber, you talk about rules, I guess you're right. But I like to view the dating scene more in terms of 'that is just the way it is.'

    What about the rules women have? (C'mon, play fair.) Lol!

    1. I only have one rule: respect. That's it. Respect for me as I am, for how I live my life, for where I've been, for my career, for how I raise my kids. Respect.

      As for coming off as wounded---yeah, I am wounded. Sometimes I feel like an abused dog who is highly suspicious of people. As far as I'm concerned, if a guy is afraid of that, then he's not for me anyway because he must be a complete pussy. (Yeah, I said the P-word.) That Sheryl Crow song comes to mind, "are you strong enough to be my man?" Wimps need not apply. :-) Remember that this blog is where I vent and open my heart. I don't have discussions like this when I'm seeing a play or attending a lacrosse game with SSB. LOL

      As for being "easy"---I laugh. It took SSB an entire month to convince me to go out on date one and then, like I said up on the post, I tend to throw up challenges even though I know it's not a good thing to do. I am my own worst enemy--LOL

      Anyway, that's all I have for "rules"--respect me. It's actually a BIGGIE. If I feel my work isn't respected or the fact that I'm raising two kids or anything about how I'm living my life, then it's over for me. Without respect, there is no foundation.

      Just my thoughts. I'm sort of "take it or leave it" kinda gal at this point. I'm very independent, am fine being solo, and just want to have a good time. I'm not looking for a ring, a husband or another person to take care of. In my mind, it's all rather simple. I feel like men are complicating it by over-thinking and over-analyzing. A grown woman knows what she wants, gets it herself and only wants someone to have fun with--like I said, easy.

    2. But when I say "easy", I really mean SIMPLE. Ha. Don't want to create confusion. And, speaking of dates, I'm going to be late if I don't get going.

  6. By the way, where are all the women on this blog? Duck out of your caves and chime in. Let's get a discussion going.

  7. What rules is the question. I would like to know why people are so hung up on them for dating. Why cant people just be themselves right from the start? It would save a hell of a lot of heartache as it would have in my situation with my ex husband. The whole idea of playing hard to get just to keep someone's interest is idiotic. If both parties come into it with no expectations and theiir eyes wide open, then what is the problem? With my boyfriend, there was no games and I knew right from the start what kind of man he was and he knew me as I am...no games. This relationship is so much more than I could have ever hoped for. I never had this with another partner and it is so refreshing to be loved unconditionally. No games. No rules made up by some repressed yahoo that we have to follow. Just Liam and me. I can't ask for anything more.

    1. Amen, Tammy! THERE ARE NO RULES! It's a stupid concept to think someone has to minimize their life or censor themselves because of some "rules" made to keep people out instead of letting someone in.

      Like I said, respect is all I care about--in ALL of my relationships, whether they be romantic, friendships, professional or family. Respect. And that's not a rule per se--it is simply the way of things.

      Anything goes, that's what I say.