I'm the first one to admit that my life is an adventure unfolding at a faster pace than I can keep up. As I was getting into my SUV at the bank this morning, I thought, "wow, it looks lopsided." Sure enough...flat tire. Figures. I drove to the gas station across the street where I filled it up with air, noticed a nail in the tread, called my mechanic who said he'd fit me in between appointments if I could wait and off I went wishing I'd at least bothered to put on some make-up.
Usually, waiting at the mechanic's is a tedious chore so I grabbed some reading material and a Diet Pepsi. Annoyed that I'd be putting off work for a few more hours to deal with "yet another thing", I parked and wondered how much time I'd be wasting.
On torn chairs facing an ancient television that's stuck on one channel, sat an older gray-haired man hunched over and staring at a patch of carpet between his feet. I plopped down on one of the ratty chairs, pulled out my newspaper and prepared to wait indefinitely. Noticing my reading material, he started a conversation about politics (we were obviously on the same page and he could tell by what I was reading). Before I knew it, I lost all sense of time and place. The man knew things...he'd been places. He was more interesting than the newspaper and droning television, no question.
A decorated Vietnam Vet and retired Pentagon man, he spoke about his perspective on the war in Afghanistan. He'd been there as recently as six months ago, talked about the assassination of a sixteen year old girl that he'd witnessed, spoke of the futility of fighting in a country where they hate all outsiders, and how we should all work for peace. He cried as he spoke of his own daughters and how he'd seen things that darkened his world. We talked of integrity, justice, Taoism, CIA, war, hot springs, relationships (value of friendships and marriage), retirement, fear slash fiction based media and the importance of activism. We covered a lot of topics in that dark waiting room.
When my mechanic announced that my tire had been patched, I didn't want to leave this old man who had tears in his eyes. I sincerely thanked him for sharing his story with me. I felt honored to have met such a man on a snowy Colorado day in the mountains.
When we open ourselves up to others, it's amazing what we can learn about the world around us. Nothing is as it seems. That old man was a hero--a living, breathing, honest-to-goodness hero who enlightened my world for awhile. I felt honored to have shared that time with him. Who would have thought that getting a flat tire would be a blessing?
About Moxie Girl Musings
Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com
Monday, December 19, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
I felt broken at the beginning of 2011. Even after Sean's death, I hadn't felt shattered like that. But I kept writing, hoping and getting up every morning. Tears flowed without effort--like my eyes were constantly watering.
I attempted dating, but he turned out to be a stalker. True story. When I confronted him about his appearing everywhere even though he lived across the city, he justified it by saying he had "trust issues." Well, that's one word for it. I prefer the word "insanity" to describe his issues, but that's just me.
And, in all fairness to the male population, my 'attempt' at dating was half-hearted at best. My career took priority.
Financially, the pressure was on. Things were unraveling. By the spring of 2011, I felt beaten down and scared. My confidence hit new lows. It took every ounce of faith I had to keep hoping, dreaming, laughing and writing.
But then it all turned around--slowly.
With the summer came a book deal and fun visitors. Everything clicked into place. Kiss Me Slowly released with great reviews. My other books got the green light for 2012 release dates...there's a plan to meet old college friends in Chicago...Mardi Gras looks like a plan, too...2012 looks FUN! Yeah, things are definitely going my way right now and I couldn't be happier.
It's amazing what changes a year can bring. Last Christmas, anxiety fueled my days. This year, joy does. What did I do to create this new tide? I kept the faith. I never gave up. I believed in dreams coming true.
Thank you, 2011, for your twists and turns. Thank you, 2011, for showing me which people to release and bringing me new ones who brighten my days. Thank you, 2011, for elevating me to this level of joy and satisfaction. Thank you, 2011, for showing me that all things are possible.
I embrace 2012 with open arms and a laugh! Bring it on! Can it get any better than this, 2012? The answer is...yes.
Friday, December 2, 2011
|Author Tammy Dennings Maggy|
Thank you for having me on your blog today, Amber. I thought I knew what I wanted to write about, but when I sat down to start it, my mind went blank. What the heck? I have tons of stories from my day job as a veterinarian but for the life of me I couldn’t think straight. Something else entirely was on my mind.
The last few years of my life have been a bit chaotic to say the least. I had to make the difficult decision to end my marriage to someone I had been with since 2001. Thinking back on that now, we never should have married. Both of us were in places in our lives where we just didn’t want to be alone and that was definitely not a good reason to get married. Not that we didn’t care for each other, but I know now that the love that should be there simply was not. We basically lived separate lives and got together every now and then for family gatherings or a few vacations. Even during those times we were never truly together. No wonder I was miserable and dying inside the whole time. I can only imagine how he felt. He never shared that sort of thing and refused to talk about it.
When I finally filed for divorce and we were legally separated, I felt like a weight had lifted off of my shoulders. I didn’t want to rush into another relationship, but I did want to start dating and maybe live out a few of the fantasies that I was writing about. I wasn’t looking for a “relationship” but from the moment that one certain man walked into my life, I was about to fall into one and hard.
Something about this man made me keep coming back for more. I was determined to stay away from him. The feelings he brought up inside of me frightened me. What if I make another mistake? What if these feelings zipping through me are just one sided? It felt like we had known each other before, maybe through several other lifetimes. Was this real or just one of my fantasies? My heart just couldn’t take another rejection so I was determined to keep those walls up. Come to find out, so was he. Both of us were trying to be nonchalant and keep things casual, when all along the connection between us wouldn’t be denied. We shared our hopes and dreams and fantasies and were surprised to find they were the same. Even with all of those talks, both of us still held back, afraid to fall in love one more time.
In my book For the Love of Quinn, I write about being “thunderstruck.” It’s when you form a connection so profound with someone, right from the moment your eyes meet, that you will do anything to be with them, even when you think there isn’t a chance in hell it could work out. The heart wants what the heart wants and sometimes it won’t be denied. The more we tried to stay away from each other, the more we needed to be together. Friends and family told us both to be careful, that we would only hurt each other in the end, but they were wrong. When we finally admitted to ourselves how much we loved each other, all those fears and doubts disappeared.
If you would have asked me just 3 years ago if I believed in soul mates or happily ever after, I would just say “not for me.” Now we are planning our future and fulfilling each other’s dreams and fantasies. He is the man I used to dream about as a little girl, my Knight in Shining Armor come to rescue me from all the sadness in my life. He is my Muse, Mo Aman Cara, my Now and Forever through this and every lifetime. He is the inspiration for several of my latest poems. This is one of the first that I wrote when we first started dating.
Safe In Your Arms
Tossing and turning
Restless and burning
Aching to feel your body
Close to mine.
The bed that we once shared
Seems cold and lonely
Without you to hold me tight.
When you are here,
All sadness and pain disappear
And I am safe in your arms
Once again tossing and turning
Restless and yearning
For the day you will
Return back to me.
Knowing in my heart of hearts
Your First Love will always call…
Taking you away to the arms
Of the beautiful, cruel and majestic
Lady of the Sea.
Knowing all along
Your heart would not belong
To me alone…
I still chose to share mine
For the Lady promised
She would keep you safe
And bring you home
When your journey together
Tossing and turning.
My heart restless and burning
For your love,
Your touch and your kiss.
Hoping and praying
That the coming dawn would finally bring
The day I will be safe
In your arms…
And once again our hearts joined
In peaceful bliss.
©Tammy Dennings Maggy
So for those of you who don’t believe in soul mates or finding that one love that fills your heart until it bursts from joy, well you will be pleasantly surprised. Your always and forever is out there. Your hearts call to each other and the love you have will no longer be denied. I am finally living my happily ever after. Are you?
Tammy Dennings Maggy is the author of For the Love of Quinn, now available on amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com and bookstrand.com. She is a brilliant erotic romance author who writes from the heart---and who truly believes in LOVE. To stay up to date with her, please follow the links below:
Webpage/blog Behind Closed Doors http://authortammydenningsmaggy.wordpress.com/
Another Blog Not Enough Time in the Day http://tammydenningsmaggy.blogspot.com/
Facebook Fan Page http://www.facebook.com/Author.TammyDenningsMaggy