I know "The Bachelor" is a popular show, but it makes me sick. All of those women crying over a guy they barely know and hoping for a rose--gimme a break.
I saw a preview where "the bachelor" said--while looking tearful--that he had serious doubts about a few of the women so it would be a difficult rose ceremony. First of all, stop all the sobbing. Enough already. Second, what are we teaching our daughters...that they need to meet a certain set of criteria and jump through some hoops to be deemed valuable enough to be chosen by some guy?
I'll tell you right now that if my date ever took me on a "group date" and had us racing cars as some test--he would never see me again. Life is a big enough test for all of us, we don't need to manufacture superficial quizzes along the way.
I want to pull my hair out! It's 2011. Haven't we evolved beyond this?
Modern romance novels and movies do not depict damsels in distress anymore. It's considered old fashioned and unrealistic. We have strong female role models in today's world--from celebrities like Jennifer Aniston to politicians like Hilary Clinton. Even reality shows like "Amazing Race" and "Survivor" depict strong women doin' it for themselves, so what is the appeal of "The Bachelor"?
There is an insidious insecurity with American women despite the feisty females depicted in novels, movies and with our public figures. Shows like "The Bachelor" capitalize on that. I hear divorced women acting like they need to win over some random guy by pretending to be something they aren't--which never works in the long run. Smart women dumbing themselves down to appeal to some middle-aged goofball just so they can say they aren't alone. And I hear the middle-aged goofballs saying things like they don't want any expectations on them while they search singles' groups on Facebook and try to hook up with some 20-something chic. THIS is the kind of guy some women are hoping will validate them?
I am banging my head against my desk! No, no, no!
Stop. Please. Until you love yourself, you are incapable of loving anyone else. No one will fill a void within your heart. Dating should be about wanting to be with someone who respects you, who makes you happy; it should never be about need. Wanting someone and needing someone are two vastly different concepts.
I have nothing against seeking a love connection. I love LOVE. But I have the following rules for myself that you are more than welcome to share:
*Always be authentic. At the end of the day, you want to be with someone who is with you because he knows the real you with your quirks and insecurities. Accept his authentic self as well. No one is perfect.
*Keep your dignity. No man is worth demeaning yourself for. Let him chase you. You are worth it. YOU are the catch.
*Trust your intuition. If you see a bunch of stripper-like females and singles' sites on his Facebook page, for example, go with the idea that you're dealing with a man-whore. Do you really want to be part of a middle-aged man's harem? Ask him, if you must, but listen to yourself. If you want a real relationship, then let intuition guide you to a man who is in it for the same reasons you are.
*Listen to him. Men tell you straight up what they want and expect, but as women we like to "read between the lines". Stop doing that. If a man says he doesn't want anyone to have expectations of him, then he doesn't want a relationship. Relationships have expectations. Such is life.
*Demand respect. If he stands you up, don't say it's okay. It isn't. If you catch him in a lie, call him on it. Period.
*Love yourself. You are an incredible woman capable of great things. The only validation you need comes from within. Once you have that, you can handle anything thrown your way.
*Lighten up! Life is too short for drama. Happiness doesn't necessarily come with a penis attached to it. If he doesn't make you laugh, then he isn't worth your time. Laughter will get you through some pretty hard times in life. Make it a priority.
*Live in the moment. Don't let bitterness from past relationships cloud the present. Yes, an open heart means being vulnerable; but an open heart also means you are open to possibility.
*Say yes to new experiences because you never know where love will be waiting.
*Buy your own roses from the local flower shop.
I write about strong heroines in my novels because most of the women I know are superheroes. I know women who are entrepreneurs, mothers dealing with kids with cancer, mountain climbers...the list is endless. Powerful, passionate and playful women. Some are size 2s, but most are not. All are beautiful. Every novel I read involves a strong female lead living by her own rules, surviving tragedy or simply being sassy. Movies depict female spies taking down terrorists before kissing their man into submission as the credits roll.
Be the strong female lead. Buy your own rose. That's sexy.
About Moxie Girl Musings
Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com