About Moxie Girl Musings

Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Loving What Is

I have a book in my personal library that I reach for when I need a reminder to be present in the moment.  The book is called, Loving What Is by Byron Katie.  In this book, Katie asks 4 important questions about the story running through your mind about present circumstances, people, your capabilities, etc...Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it's true? How do you react, what happens, when you have that thought?  Who would you be without that thought?  
I am guilty of letting my imagination run wild with possible outcomes or scenerios instead of staying grounded in the present moment.  I know that worry is pointless.  I know that I cannot control other people or their actions.  When I ask myself those 4 questions about a particular thought that is causing me stress, the answers usually start out as "hell, ya, it's true" and transition to "well, maybe it's not as bad as I thought".  Despite the knowledge, I occasionally slip into writing fiction in my head about what people must be thinking...or the worst possible outcome of a certain situation.  I'd like to blame my profession for my active imagination, but I see it in other people as well.

My daughter is learning this lesson, too.  Because she is the daughter of a single parent who hasn't yet learned to clone herself and is a part of a very active family, she often misses certain social events with her confirmation class or swim team.  She missed one this weekend because (A) she was sick and (B) her brother had two lacrosse games over an hour's drive away from each other; but she has been told by one of her friends how "bad" she is for not going bowling on Saturday.  A story has been created--pure fiction--about her lack of commitment.  People like making up stories---a.k.a. assumptions---without knowing all of or any of the facts.

Fiction needs to be left to those of us who are professionals.  And we professionals need to keep the imagination focused on work and not our personal lives.  I realized this weekend that I had a complete fictional concept of a woman I have known for years.  In fact, I have kept myself rather aloof around this person.  I learned this weekend that I have been a complete bitch for no reason.  I was wrong.  I had written a story in my mind based on activities that happened many years ago.  Fiction!  I can admit when I was wrong and I was wrong.

So I reached for Byron Katie's book once again to bring me back to center.  And as I looked at my current situation that has brought me to my knees of late, I ask myself:  is it true? can I absolutely know that it's true? Smiling to myself, I realize that I need to channel my imagination for good, write more and worry less.  It is what it is.  And when I stumble--as we all know I will from time to time--at least I have the book close by to remind me to 'love what is'.


  1. I could think of a lot of different ways to use that bowling ball right about now. That's not exactly friend material now, is it.

    I like the idea of 'love what is'. It is good to focus and have gratitude for what we do have and what we can do. There are no assumptions or givens in life. Aloof? I think that can be said about most of us at one point or another in our lives. Cool that the person ended up being a happy surprise, as late as you realized it. Happy upcoming birthday, friend!


  2. Thanks for the birthday wishes, SLT. It was great (the 13th)! I feel really good right now. Strong. I credit a lot of the good energy I receive from you and others to getting me here. I'm smilin'! :-) And I am 'loving what is'.