About Moxie Girl Musings

Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com

Friday, April 16, 2010

And the Phoenix Rises

I was listening to a call by Eva Gregory the other day where she talked about changing our vibrations to connect to our higher selves and to act from a place of authenticity.  I am over-simplifying the concept because I want to write about a phrase that really stood out for me.  During the call, she said, "You are not falling apart, you are coming together."  

If you read my post entitled 'Unraveled' that I wrote less than a week ago, you will know why this struck a chord with me.  "You are not falling apart, you are coming together."  Wow.  What a concept.  And it makes complete sense when I think about it.  I have had a lot of trauma in the past 4 years.  But mixed in with the trauma, the confusion and the changes I have experienced has been emotional growth, personal insights and a wisdom I never sought.  The phrase made me think that perhaps my unraveling has been necessary; sort of like a snake shedding its skin, I was shedding my past.

Needing to redefine my life so suddenly after Sean's suicide rocked my very foundation.  Definitions I had had of myself no longer fit.  No longer a wife.  No longer a family of four.  No more "daddy's coming home" for the kids.  No more Sean.  Shaking off those roles and ideas has been hard.  I didn't want to let them go.  There is such finality in releasing a part of myself that I had embraced.  But the beauty that is nature forced me to go through the unraveling until I could unravel no more.

I am grateful for falling apart and watching everything that I once believed to be true crumble into illusion.  I am grateful because I now know my truth.  I now know who I am when the darkness comes.  I now know what it's like to be wrapped in despair and yet see the light.  It has been a painful journey.  Perhaps this is what birth is like and why babies scream once they are free.

I have said it before and will repeat it now:  I don't believe in coincidences.  I needed to hear that call the other day--my birthday of all days--so I could hear the message that I have walked the path that I have needed to walk.  When the road gets bumpy again, I will remember those words and smile because they give me hope.  "You are not falling apart, you are coming together."  Yes.  I believe I am.


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