I have had a series of unfortunate events tripping over themselves to really screw me over for about the past two weeks. Caught up in this tornado of stress, I have been searching for something--anything--to make the spinning stop. I ask myself, what's the lesson here?
Today I heard a quote from the King himself--Elvis Presley--who said, "the truth is like the sun; you can block it out for awhile, but it aint going away." Hmm...I pondered. What truth is being illuminated that I am trying hard not to see? And then it came to me. I don't treat myself with respect; therefore, I've been getting upset by all the incidents involving 'disrespect' the past few weeks. From me losing my temper at the bully honking and shouting at me in traffic to me feeling broken-hearted yet again because my gray-area friend failed to follow-thru, I have been allowing the idea of disrespect to consume me.
If I am not respecting myself by honoring my boundaries, protecting my heart, sticking up for my point-of-view, or taking care of myself physically, then I have no business being upset when I feel slighted by someone else. In fact, it's pretty silly of me to allow myself to feel that way at all. I alone walk my path and know what I need from life. I am compassionate to everyone around me...but cruelest to myself. WRONG! C'mon, I know this stuff!
So...I took care of gray-area friend by letting him know that there won't be a next time where I am concerned, that his continued 'I-Want-You-I-Don't-Want-You' game is over, and deleted all of his contact information so I won't be 'tempted'. I can't do anything about the bully in traffic except hold myself to a higher standard than his type if ever in the situation again. I am 41, exercise regularly and do the best I can--no more comparing myself to the girl I was 20 years ago.
The truth is I enjoy being 41. The truth is that I enjoy being independent...so what's with my high tolerance level for bullshit with gray-area friend? No more. The truth is I like how I look, it could be a helluva lot worse. The truth is I do not always do the best I can every day, that I enjoy slacking off, and that the only obstacles in my way are of my own making.
Yes, Elvis, you are right: "the truth is like the sun; you can block it out for awhile, but it aint going away." The truth is like a match, it can either illuminate the room or it can set your world on fire. Either way, we must light the match and let denial burn.
About Moxie Girl Musings
Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com