About Moxie Girl Musings

Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com

Monday, February 8, 2010

A Hoarder No More

Perhaps I have watched too much HGTV, but the de-cluttering mood swept me up into a whirlwind of productivity.  With brutal determination, I actually tossed out more than I kept for the first time in years.  And it felt grrrrrrrreat!  What a sense of relief!   In my closet alone, I removed four large black bags of clothes.  When I say black trash bags, I mean the kind normally used for leaves or yard work and filled them to capacity.  Immediately, the energy in the house lightened.  

My closet was the starting point; from there I moved through the house attacking room after room until I had so much stuff for charity that I could supply a house and clothe an entire African village.  Once I began the de-cluttering process, I couldn't stop myself.  I needed to---needed to--rid myself of what no longer fit in the house, what no longer meshed with our life, and what no longer served a purpose.  I became a woman possessed.  

I am a borderline hoarder---not the kind who needs an intervention on a television show (yes, you are able to walk through my house), but the kind who has issues with nostalgia.  My attic houses bags of baby clothes, toys, high school scrapbooks, college photo albums, mystery items that my late husband cherished and I don't have a clue as to their use---you get the idea.  I hold onto things because they meant something to me at one time.

I do the same with relationships, even if the pattern is now more destructive or more of a one-way street than it ever was.  I find myself remembering the good that once was, even if it's been a long, long time since it's been good in the present.  No more.  Hoarding relationships is really weird, even for me.  Time to extend the de-cluttering beyond my house.

Relationships that no longer enhance my life are like the old clothes taking up space in my closet.  They no longer serve a purpose, no longer mesh with my current outlook or perhaps we simply haven't grown in the same direction.  So I released my attachment to them, freed my energy for new people to come into my life.  

When I discussed my current frenzy of de-cluttering to a friend, I admitted that letting go of long-dead relationships was the most challenging thing to do for me, much more challenging than tossing away those size 2 jeans collecting dust in the closet.  She gave me some good advice that eased my conscience.  She said that if the relationship was bringing me down, then it wasn't a loss to let go but rather a gain in peace of mind.  Thank you, Michelle.  Sometimes it helps to hear the words from an outside party that we already know to be true in our hearts.  

I honestly don't believe that I am a rare person who tends to hang on too long either to a pair of favorite jeans that won't ever fit again no matter how much Pilates I do or that friend who I used to laugh with until dawn but who now just makes me feel judged.  Forgive me if I am not as enlightened as some who cut people off with apparent ease or never get trapped in the nostalgia loop.  I am a softie, I admit it.  I hate giving up.  For a long time that is how I viewed letting go...as giving up.  Now I see it as release.

De-cluttering my life has renewed me in ways I truly never imagined.  I feel free, unencumbered, and ready for whatever comes my way.  I am a hoarder no more.  I have made space for the new in my life.  New adventures.  New clothes.  New opportunities.  New people.  Out with the old...in with the new. 

Now if I could only win a shopping spree.  

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