About Moxie Girl Musings

Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com

Monday, January 11, 2010

Zip, Zap, Zing!

Now that I am stumbling my way back into the dating world, I realize that I haven't changed that much in 15 years.  I am still Amber who likes to dance even if there isn't any music, who loves talking politics even though I know that's supposedly taboo, who would rather go to a rock concert than an opera and who likes my man to show me that he wants me.  You know...actually return an email or text or--hold your breath--pick up the phone and have a real conversation. The man needs to make the first move, after that I want my all access pass.  Maybe these things classify me as "old school", but I am okay with that.   

What I am discovering about myself is that despite my age, my life experience and supposed level of maturity, I still want that OOMPH of chemistry.  I crave it.  I know it's possible.  Maybe I was lucky, but I had it with my husband even after 10 years of marriage.  Even on that last day of his life, I remember looking at him and thinking, "wow, he is so handsome" and feeling that zap of electricity when his gaze connected with mine.  He could really piss me off at times, but I would always think, "damn, I'm a lucky woman to be married to this good looking jerk."  

When I reconnected with an ex-boyfriend from long ago on Facebook last February, we had that zip, zap, zing of chemical attraction.  We had it when we saw each other face-to-face, too.  There it was, shimmering in the air between us just waiting to be ignited.  But there are roadblocks between us that we aren't able to hurdle yet.  For now, that relationship is in a holding pattern and I don't know if it will ever move forward.   But the chemistry he and I have together is undeniable.  In a perfect world, all would sync and we would be one dynamic duo.  When I see him, it is like I have swallowed the sun.  That's difficult to ignore.  

Refusing to put my life on hold for something that may never happen, I have dated another man in recent months.  He is local and makes it very clear that he wants to be with me.  On paper he has it all and is fun on top of that...but there isn't that zip, zap, zing I crave.  So I wonder...is chemistry necessary for a successful relationship?  So many other things are valuable in a relationship like the ability to have a great conversation, to have fun, to make each other laugh, to be stable both mentally and financially, and to be able to be good friends.  But can a relationship ever become more than friends without that elusive chemistry that makes a person weak in the knees and happy just to be in the pressence of the other person?  I don't know.  

And to be clear:  I am not talking about superficial looks here.  I am talking about chemistry.  I am talking about that elusive snap, crackle and pop that erupts between certain individuals and not others.  Why can I be around a good looking man and feel like he's my brother while another one makes my blood boil for no apparent reason?  Is chemistry overrated?  

Like I said, maybe I got lucky with my late husband, Sean.  We did not have the perfect marriage and he was not a flawless man.  We definitely had our issues.  But we did have chemistry.  We were able to look at each other in a room and smile for the sake of smiling because we knew we belonged to one another.  And even on that last day of his life when everything was about to fall apart, I looked at him and felt that electrical charge in my veins.  

So why settle for less than oomph and zip, zap, zing?  I don't know.  Maybe I am not as sophisticated as some or as enlightened as others, but I want the whole package.  I want the friendship, the laughter, the strength of character and the chemistry.  If this means that I am alone for the rest of my life, then I am lucky because I had it good and wonderful once. I know what I am missing. How can I settle for less than that?  


  1. As always great writing, Moxie girl! Your thoughts in this area are most fascinating...a real page turner.
    My take on this is that anyone that settles, sells out. Funny - just now I was thinking of one of Walter's lines in Sleepless in Seattle, then noticed your "twitter update" to the right of this mentioning about seeing it 2 days ago. As Meg Ryan's character is breaking up with Walter, he gives a little speech how life is hard enough without having to settle; it's not fair to the other person. Can you imagine how boring Dirty Dancing would be if "Baby" settled for the guy carrying the watermelons instead of going after the zip, zap, zing of the Patrick Swayze character? Most people get timelines in their head, lack enough self-assuredness, or don't place themselves in super-fun situations where the chance meetings just happen. Then again, if one risks it, then a new problem appears...choosing :-)


  2. Yes, you are right: Walter did say that, didn't he? No wonder I love that movie! I had forgotten about his line, but maybe it's what triggered my train of thoughts on this subject. Hmm...it probably did open the door.

    Yes, Dirty Dancing wouldn't have been very dirty had she settled for the guy with the watermelons! LOL. Wow, that line of yours made me laugh.

    I didn't settle the first time around, so I know I shouldn't settle now. I KNOW it...but I have gotten into some strange rant with myself about how I'm older now, should be more "mature" (whatever that means, I'm still figuring that one out!), yada yada yada! Oh well. It's all an adventure. If nothing else, I keep getting myself into situations that provide interesting writing topics.

    Thanks, SLT. Your words always open a window to another perspective and I appreciate that.

  3. Oh...SLT...I hope when you write that my "thoughts in this area area most fascinating...a real page turner" you don't really mean a "perfect case study for a psychology grad student." Just kidding. I'm laughing at myself...again.

    I always appreciate your support and encouragement. Keep reading! (and I hope your hand has healed.)

  4. Now you have ME laughing about my page turner remark and having you sound like a study. Far from it, as you correctly surmised. Most settle. I'm guessing/hoping you won't, for your own sake. It is said we know about that spark after meeting someone in 7 minutes. If it isn't there then, then it won't be there 3 years later. Good rule of thumb. Speaking of digits, many thanks for asking about the hand...it is just about completely healed!