This new decade arrived with a great deal of hope for many people, myself included. I remember the dawning of 2000. People stocked up on water and waited for Y2K to bring us to our knees. Nothing happened. We all woke up on January 1st to a world that looked remarkably like it did the day before.
This year felt different.
Yes, my computer still worked and my water still flowed from the faucet, but the difference stirred within me. A different energy vibrated through my limbs when I opened my eyes that morning, and I don't think it was completely because of the Tuaca I drank the previous night. I opened my eyes on January 1st, 2010, with fierce determination to settle for nothing less than what I want and deserve. No more compromises. No more excuses.
Although I have put in motion my plans for a major lifestyle change, I have a confession to make. My commitment wavers. My inner critic lurks in the dark and encourages self-doubt. And, right or wrong, I sometimes get really pissed off at making all of these decisions alone.
To help overcome my inner critic--who happens to be a real bitch, by the way--I grabbed an index card and wrote down the following "I am" statements to remind me of who I am and what I am capable of doing. I then put these cards in various places around the house: my bathroom mirror, my treadmill, my journal, and my desk. When my inner critic starts in on her undermining rant, I plan on reaching for these to remind me of who I really am.
Here are a few examples of what I wrote on those "I AM" cards:
I am the same woman who leapt from the cliffs of a Greek island into the Aegean Sea.
I am the same woman who swam with sharks in Belize.
I am the same woman who looked into the lifeless eyes of her husband.
I am the same woman who wakes her kids up to witness meteor showers.
I am the same woman who battled a man who tried to murder me.
I am the same woman who has gotten blissfully lost on the streets of Paris.
I am the same woman who has curled up on the floor overcome with sorrow.
When my inner critic revs up with all the reasons why to accept the status quo and when my confidence shakes a bit under the load I carry, my cards are there as reminders of the woman I have been and still am. I quiet my mind and focus. Inside a fierce determination drowns out the critic and I say, "yes" to new possibilities, even if that yes is sometimes more of a whisper than a shout.
I welcome this new decade with open arms. I welcome the changes coming my way with an open mind. And I am scared...and I will waver...but maybe it's good to be scared. Bring it on.
About Moxie Girl Musings
Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com