About Moxie Girl Musings

Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com

Thursday, December 17, 2009

In My Own Time

Ah...New Year's Eve is almost here, which means resolution time.  When I look back on my own resolutions from a year ago, I am satisfied about what I accomplished and what I did not.  I am aware of where I tried and where I slacked.  I accept full responsibility.

Why then do I feel such pressure to have done more?  I am walking this path alone, only I know what goes on in my day-to-day existence; yet I allow people close to me to influence how I judge my progress.  I hear it in the subtle comments about publishing, in the not so subtle comments about relocating, and in the blatant judgment about the time line for grieving.  I say..."shh...be still...it's all as it needs to be in this moment."

We all move to our own rhythm.  My beat slowed down for the past few years, became more melancholy in melody as I moved through the stages of grief.  I hear my song changing, hear the rhythm gaining tempo. Our individual soundtracks to life create the songs of the world.  If we were all playing the same tune at the same pace, we would no longer appreciate the music itself.

Just as it is not my place to criticize anyone for missing the mark, neither is it my place to judge myself for hitting a wrong note here and there or moving at a slower beat than my peers.  It is that last part that I truly need to work on...silencing my inner critic. "Shh...be still...it's all as it needs to be in this moment."

As for 2010, I don't know if I'll make a resolution or not.  Maybe this time I'll improvise.  I am creating a symphony at my own pace that is uniquely mine.   That takes time.  That means a rewrite here and there. Resolutions may cramp my creativity.

Maybe we all need to play whatever tune comes to mind at any given moment, jam to the rhythm of impulse and joy.  And if we sing off key in the process or get off beat...what the hell...at least we're playing.

Play on, everyone!  Let the rhythm move you.

2 comments:

  1. I like your analogy made to music, Moxie Girl. You are quite the creative one! For 2010, I think I'll stick to the plan which means holding on for the ride. I find that last minute amuses me, whether flying to Tahoe for the weekend or having a whim for real rum balls and breezing through San Juan for a fresh batch. Then again, recently plucked Abigail Adams out of thin air to research for fun. After reading of books, online chronicles, then cross checking via McCullough's penning of John's bio; JQ, Jefferson, Washington and associated kin that woud've known her, they all combine to paint a more well-rounded view with how our second President's wife ticked. In the end, would I have liked her in person? Probably not. But as in courting, the fun is always in the chase. So I guess I could wish for 2010 to include more/or less tempo, more of a waltz, while expecting the unexpected syncopation as the psyche takes some interesting offbeat side trips. As you can see, other peoples' opinions of me don't make it on my radar, much less to the bongos in the neighbor's garage. Time for hot chocolate. A fine ending to my day. I send you good cheer and joy. Merry Christmas!

    slt

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  2. Same to you, slt. Merry Christmas! Thanks for sticking with my musings as I experiment with different beats and keys in my life's symphony. All the best now and always...!

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