Ah...New Year's Eve is almost here, which means resolution time. When I look back on my own resolutions from a year ago, I am satisfied about what I accomplished and what I did not. I am aware of where I tried and where I slacked. I accept full responsibility.
Why then do I feel such pressure to have done more? I am walking this path alone, only I know what goes on in my day-to-day existence; yet I allow people close to me to influence how I judge my progress. I hear it in the subtle comments about publishing, in the not so subtle comments about relocating, and in the blatant judgment about the time line for grieving. I say..."shh...be still...it's all as it needs to be in this moment."
We all move to our own rhythm. My beat slowed down for the past few years, became more melancholy in melody as I moved through the stages of grief. I hear my song changing, hear the rhythm gaining tempo. Our individual soundtracks to life create the songs of the world. If we were all playing the same tune at the same pace, we would no longer appreciate the music itself.
Just as it is not my place to criticize anyone for missing the mark, neither is it my place to judge myself for hitting a wrong note here and there or moving at a slower beat than my peers. It is that last part that I truly need to work on...silencing my inner critic. "Shh...be still...it's all as it needs to be in this moment."
As for 2010, I don't know if I'll make a resolution or not. Maybe this time I'll improvise. I am creating a symphony at my own pace that is uniquely mine. That takes time. That means a rewrite here and there. Resolutions may cramp my creativity.
Maybe we all need to play whatever tune comes to mind at any given moment, jam to the rhythm of impulse and joy. And if we sing off key in the process or get off beat...what the hell...at least we're playing.
Play on, everyone! Let the rhythm move you.
About Moxie Girl Musings
Moxie Girl Musings is about starting over from square one after tragedy impacted my young family. It's filled with stories of triumph, struggle, snafus, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes there will be features from other writers that I like and every so often I'll include an original short story, but normally I simply write what's on my mind at the time. Welcome to my unfiltered true-life story as I figure out this thing called life. http://www.amberleaeaston.com