Self-doubt loves to whisper in my ear when the night is quiet. It is a hard voice to shut-out. I think one of the most challenging aspects of single parenthood is being my own counsel, being the sole decision maker when there are massive decisions to make. My intuition serves as my sounding board. That's it. All me. Wing'n it.
The kids and I were talking about this big change ahead of us. They both have their concerns but look at me with absolute trust. It is not just my life being changed here. They are trusting that I am making the right decisions. And I need to trust that, too.
Starting life over at 41 is not something I imagined doing 20 years ago; but it is what it is. And what it is is scary as hell. I admit that I am terrified, but I need to press ahead with my plans. There is an inner knowing at work here that is pushing me onward and I need to trust it. I need to trust myself.
Trusting myself used to be easy. Along the way, I started questioning my instinct and intelligence. That has begun to turn around over the past 4 years, but then comes the whisper of doubt that is never truly silent.
And when I start to doubt myself or feel the self-sabotage coming on I reach for Dr. Wayne Dyer...and Dr. Seuss. Yep, the words from Horton Hears A Who and Oh, The Thinks You Can Think have comforted me more times that I can say. Dr. Seuss' words have gotten me through some wild times in my life and have motivated me when all I wanted to do was retreat. But retreat is not an option here. I know that. So instead of Dr. Dyer's brilliant words, now I turn to Dr. Suess for my inspiration to stay true to my path.
To quote Dr. Suess' book Oh The Places You'll Go: You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you will be the guy who'll decide where you'll go. Oh, the places you'll go.
The time for action is now. I must focus like I haven't focused in years. No time for distractions or detours. I can no longer remain in the waiting place. So despite the constant whispers of self-doubt, I take a deep breath, exhale, cross my fingers and take another step forward.
As I said, the dominos have begun to fall and I am the one who flicked the first one over. My choice. Right or wrong...my choice. Oh, the places we'll go!